MrBrown19

"Sex, Lies, and ASPARAGUS"

The Second City Training Center is proud to present a Writing 5 Revue. Second City is a staple of Chicago improv and theatre - launching careers of people like John Belushi, Bill Murray, Gilda Radner, and Tina Fey (www.secondcity.com).

"Sex, Lies, and Asparagus" features a variety of sketches by advanced writers of the Training Center. Sketches deal with disillusionment, social commentary, and plain ol'everyday life.

Featured players: Matt Albinak, Steve DeFrisco, Aaron Gingrich, Jessica Hardy, Lisa Lohman, and Amanda Sears.

Writers: Rob Biesenbach, Heidi Burhans, Adam Eppenstein, Briar Grant, Jonald Reyes (that's me!), and Steven Shundich

Directed by Spike Kunetz

Showtime dates: 5 showings-->May 21st to June 18th - every Friday at 8 pm in Donny's Skybox Theater (http://www.secondcity.com/theatre/chicago/donny/index.asp). Tickets are $8.

Information will be on the website a couple of weeks before showtime. Come witness history...and aspargus!

apparently i had awoken in the arms of a very large man sunday morning. the last thing i remember was drinking an 18 oz bottle of robitussin and running around the apartment. before the weekend, i was planning a party for saturday night. a little get together of some close friends. however, pete jones made fliers and started to hand them out across campus. i was not amused, but figure no one would pay attention to his flier since he used the backstreet boys as the main picture. i guess gaymos are still running loose and wanting the infamous boy band to return. nothing like having people worship a wiggah like nick carter. anyways, i broke out the wine-in-a-box and some kraft cheese slices that i rolled into little balls using my bare hands early saturday evening. when the posse rolled up, we smoked a blizunt and cranked up some wicked ol'school Ramones on the 8-track. after trying to do the cabbage patch and running man, i collapsed on the couch. starting to come down, someone broke out some 'tussin. before downing some Tums, my little intimate crowd grew into 50 more people. an unexpectation i was not ready for. by then, i was knee deep in deceit, crackin out and wanting to forget, craving some 'tussin for the cure. downed a bottle, smoked some herbage and apparantly had a good time. after kickin Big John Flubb outta my bed and having his hands between two pillows, i walked around my apartment this morning. a victim of lipstick messages all over my walls and uncooked Ramon noodles used as confetti all over my floors, i was amused but distraught. i think i took a time warp into the Rocky Horror picture show cause there were also bras and panties scattered around the living room. so what's the moral of this story: homemade kraft cheeseballs are the root of all evils!

SO...if anyone is out there, I have an announcement. If you're in the Chicago-land area this summer, please come and watch my show. I'll have a couple of my sketches performed on Donny's Skybox Theater as part of my writing class at Second City Training Center. Here are some F. A. Q.'s that the Nobel Prize winning inner circle jester me about during tea time.

Frequently Ass-fucking Questions:

1. What's Second City? and how'd you get a show? (i want a show...who are you? you're not so special!)

---Second City Training Center is a comedy writing/performance school. Many sketch performance comedy troups have hailed from Second City, including many Saturday Night Live members. www.secondcity.com . i've been taking writing classes there for almost a year and as part of the program, the highest level writing course puts together a show of the class' written sketches. and no i'm not special, i'm just retarded.

2. What's the show about?

---As intellectuals, these sketches will hold commentary on controversial issues that ponder our society in today's environment: do we need to tip after a lap dance? girls that show a lot of cleavage don't want guys to look? a dog humping your leg isn't suppose to feel good? BUT REALLY, this show has a bunch of random sketches by random writers in this random world of random people.

3. Who? What? Where? When?

---me with smart ass writers. Donny's Skybox Theater in Chicago, IL. May 21st to June 18th -- ONLY on Fridays. the 8 pm show. i, personally, will NOT be performing. actors will be performing our sketches (and females actors will be performing in my bedroom later at night). any other questions can be asked but won't be answered cause of my legion to secrecy from left ball sack.

so maybe you'll come or maybe you won't, but as long as i know that i stuck it up there as hard as i could makes me feel good. (i think that was a haiku)

Oompa Loompas are crazy lil'mo fos! so...what's their deal? the candy man saved them from some monster named the wang doodle? and now these little merry men are happier being slaves to the man that rules the world with his candy bars. who exactly is the wang doodle here?! and what kind of land would it seriously be if chocolate bars/candy were valued like gold for your mouth? if this were true and there were really only 5 golden tickets out there...mass destruction. that willy wonka cat is one insane mutha!

(yeah, i know its a movie. clash of context makes for funny. think about it...willy wonka land if it were real. trippy stuff, man. you would choose to believe that everything was fake.)

on a side note.....

SNAKE: pppssstttt. hey Eve, make Adam eat this apple. makes the cotton mouth go away.

EVE (only leaves over her private regions): hey Adam, that snake that makes me feel so good inside, wanted me to give you this apple.

ADAM: can i just say again...you're SO HOT! ...awesome. i love red delicious man!

[eats apple and suddenly lightening bolts flash--god appears]

GOD: now i know who the dominate sex is and who the dumbass is. but i'll make it so complex that it will create controversy for many many years. later on, i'll mess up more minds by intersecting the same sexes. bwahahahaahhahaa!!

"what if god was one of us...just the same as one of us..."

love,
~my left nut

I wish...

1. i found random money (or cannibus) that i totally forgot about, in pursuit to try and hide it from myself.

2. ideas flowed more naturally from my mind. maybe improv classes will help out.

3. the conan o'brien show would call me up and ask me to write for them. it could possibly happen...

4. i had a pepperoni and salami sandwich with lettuce, tomato, mayo, mustard, and swiss cheese slightly melted on a roll

5. the royal tennanbaums would show on encore tonight.

6. she would email me back.

7. i had a new pair of shoes.

8. excitement is an under statement for the weekend.

9. i had more energy when i woke up in the morning.

10. i didn't have to wish as much

what is mainstream anymore? is there really such a thing? some may choose to believe so...but i think the mainstream in today's society is not being mainstream. its mainstream to not be mainstream. people can be into pop culture, but then be into all these other things that don't make them so uncultured. yeah...i know it sounds sort of confusing, but think about it. its like music - there's SO MANY different genre's, categories, and degrees of extremities that bands, singers, and acts fall into more than one page in your columbia house catalog. that's what people are like these days. everyone's trying to be so cultured with everything in the world. its mainstream to be a trendsetter. our unique styles are becoming somewhat blurred from an original thought that could have been discovered 20 years ago at the blue oyster bar while tootsie was on a television. a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away - there were a distinct defiance between the mainstream and the wierd...back then, the wierd were called hippies and the mainstream were john and jane doe with a clean cut that brushed their teeth 3 times a day and got in bed no later than 10 o'clock. now..everyone's different and everyone knows it, so everyone tries to be more different that its not being different anymore. get it?? its just a matter of figuring out the fake from the real. are you really a radiohead fan or are you just a wanna-be cause you thought karma police was the coolest song you've ever heard and creep was really about you? (NO WAY...it was about me too!!) whatever dooooood....

okay, if you understood or if you didn't...just needed to get it off my chest. spike, you made me a thinker!

i'm an unstoppable force that will succeed in all i do. you can't stop me because i am full of confidence that you dream of. you only want to be like me and when you finally surmount all the strength you have to equal me now, i have already passed you in the future. i could care less of what anyone else thinks about my actions, as they shouldn't care as to my opinion of their own. everything in my life begins when i say it does and it stops when i want it to. no one else controls my faith except for my mind, heart, and body. i make dreams come true and make nightmares into after school specials. taking a walk through my mind is like riding a roller coaster through a tripped out land with clowns under dark clouds. seeing through my eyes is like viewing through a magnifying glass that displays subtitles under all surroundings and beings. i've beaten the war of self and bring determination to the table.

i don't believe in them, i don't believe in you, i don't believe in the beatles, i just believe in me.

i literally sat here for 20 minutes trying to think of what to write. i haven't written in here for so long, but i just haven't had the feel to write on this billboard for everyone to read. maybe i've exhausted my energy in writing on here because i've written in my journal, my creative notebook, and other random notebooks i have laying around my bedroom. its interesting how our minds can be turned into creative machines, but even that can cause a bit of fatigue. it also gets difficult to try and come up with originality when you're living in 2003 and it seems like everything has been written or thought of already. HOWEVER, it hasn't. there's an infinite number of situations throughout lifetimes where a clash of contexts and varied elements of style play a role into something new and fresh. you just have to think about it....that's all. sounds easier than it is, but you just gotta stay optomistic, confident, and willing to take risks. this is how you advance. not only in writing, but life as well. AHHH....it's all parallel really! so in essence, if i'm advancing in my writing, in terms of finding a better meaning of self through written word, then i'll be advancing in life. doesn't it all make sense now???

sheit...just call me plato, biotch!

i need to write some kind of article or essay to add on to my writing portfolio. you would think i would have something like this already...especially with being an english/cinema studies graduate. but if i use one of my college papers as a writing sample, there would be no way of anyone saying that i'm a good writer. my college papers were written a day before they were due and with the least amount of energy. pretty much pieces of paper with crap stains all over it.

SO, here are a few of the ideas that i've pondered to write about. some are interesting, some aren't, and some need a different perspective on it to be better.

1. find the funny. a study of what makes a person laugh in relation to how they were raised and what life experiences they've ensued to find hilarity with.
2. i'm still workin on how the ninja turtles were based on the beatles.
3. my cousin's a teacher and chicago teachers are about to go on strike. like...important political stuff...and stuff...
4. something about movies. maybe the dramatic shift of mainstream cinema to independent films, whereas the transition of an independent director/writer to a highly budgeted production company. also a question of time and longevity within films - in terms of how relatable a movie is with the test of times.
5. reality t.v. - the downfall of writers

this is all i can think of for now. what i really need to do is get into a better habit of writing. 5 outta 7 days a week...surprisingly ain't cuttin it.

should i be like one of those people that actually talks to my live journal...or should i pretend like i'm actually updating someone out there about my life?? i'm gonna go for the first one...

hi livejournal. i'm so sorry i haven't updated you in so long. lets see whats going on....hmmmm...well, [i'm gonna talk about chit chat that people talk about with no substance]...its pretty cold outside today. bbrrrr....me cold! i ate at burger king for lunch today, and instead of getting the fries, i got the onion rings. woo hoo!! so yummy! then i went on the computer and chatted with some people that don't live close to me. they're doing good. they said hello. hee he hee. i'm gonna watch a movie tonight. that should be fun. okay...that's all. byeee.

[da hell? this is really what some people write about. no offense, but write something that's interesting. something that intrigues the mind. maybe you can have a running theme in your entries to strike up a thought. for example, who would win in a fight of natural disasters - the tsunami or the earthquake? the winner being the one that destroys a small country first. interesting, no?]